French Kiss
So the kissing thing in Europe…closest I had come previously was the one-kiss-on-the-right-cheek greeting in NYC, which is replaced by the standard hug (among those with whom you would do more than shake hands) in the rest of the US.
But the European kisses, oh lordy, all the kisses. And of course, everyone does it differently.
I hear that in Belgium, it’s one kiss on the right cheek – simple, yeah? And isn’t done with everyone you come across, just closer friends.
In Germany, it is generally two kisses, right-left in order. Simple, straightforward, and not done with everyone you meet – so it’s only among more intimate acquaintances. Now, there are variations by region – and it seems southern Germany (which I could get pelted with sausages for saying), or more accurately, Bavaria, tends more toward three kisses, again starting right, then left, then right. But there seems to be a distinctly un-German lack of order and predictability to it all – perhaps it varies by groups of friends, or ancestral lines or something equally incomprehensible to your average auslander. ?
In Switzerland, it is three kisses, in the order of right-left-right…it puts order into a chaotic world to know that you swivel your head slightly to the left in order to come into contact with the right cheek of your fellow kissee, and avoid any embarrassing accidental lip contact. This is especially tricky at work – you don’t want to be kissing on your colleagues (ack). And it is done among those with whom you are more than even slightly friendly – so you get a lot of practice.
So…trust the French, right? Utter kissing chaos. First, there’s no standard kissing number (although two is the most common) – for instance, sometimes in Paris, and many other French locales when dealing with people of high respect (like the mayor I guess – who knows?) it’s four kisses. This is just asking for repetitive-stress neck injuries if you ask me. It takes hours to meet people what with all the kissing going on. Four kisses! I ask you! But, here’s the kicker – SOMETIMES they go left-first, then right. What the hell is up with that? They just HAVE to be different.
And how do I find this out? Well, it’s New Years here in the land o’ cheese and anal retention, so it’s High Kissing Season as all are wished a happy new year. Yes, that’s nice, lovely and all that. But my French colleague comes running up, warning Scott that he’s about to kiss me (Scott was at my office for our German lessons), and leans in for what I presume is the three-kiss Swiss standard – this is Switzerland after all. Well, we instantly find ourselves pressed right-cheek (me)-to-left-cheek (him) – you’ll have to get a mental picture of this, but imagine being in a small photo booth and having to press your faces together for some cheesy picture. Yeah, like that. Then we tried to fix it, pulled back and made a second attempt. Same opposite cheek pressing incident occurred. I then pulled back and asked for a thorough explanation before proceeding. It had never occurred to him that the rest of the civilized world goes right first, and it’s just natural to him to go left first. So, third time was a (quite unspontaneous at that point) charm. But I was pretty much done with kissing for the day after that.
That all said, I do love the French – they are quite charming in their own way. Particularly outside of Paris. Like Americans are nice, when they’re not New Yorkers. But New Yorkers ARE nice, you just have to know how. Parisians I'm not so sure about yet.
But the European kisses, oh lordy, all the kisses. And of course, everyone does it differently.
I hear that in Belgium, it’s one kiss on the right cheek – simple, yeah? And isn’t done with everyone you come across, just closer friends.
In Germany, it is generally two kisses, right-left in order. Simple, straightforward, and not done with everyone you meet – so it’s only among more intimate acquaintances. Now, there are variations by region – and it seems southern Germany (which I could get pelted with sausages for saying), or more accurately, Bavaria, tends more toward three kisses, again starting right, then left, then right. But there seems to be a distinctly un-German lack of order and predictability to it all – perhaps it varies by groups of friends, or ancestral lines or something equally incomprehensible to your average auslander. ?
In Switzerland, it is three kisses, in the order of right-left-right…it puts order into a chaotic world to know that you swivel your head slightly to the left in order to come into contact with the right cheek of your fellow kissee, and avoid any embarrassing accidental lip contact. This is especially tricky at work – you don’t want to be kissing on your colleagues (ack). And it is done among those with whom you are more than even slightly friendly – so you get a lot of practice.
So…trust the French, right? Utter kissing chaos. First, there’s no standard kissing number (although two is the most common) – for instance, sometimes in Paris, and many other French locales when dealing with people of high respect (like the mayor I guess – who knows?) it’s four kisses. This is just asking for repetitive-stress neck injuries if you ask me. It takes hours to meet people what with all the kissing going on. Four kisses! I ask you! But, here’s the kicker – SOMETIMES they go left-first, then right. What the hell is up with that? They just HAVE to be different.
And how do I find this out? Well, it’s New Years here in the land o’ cheese and anal retention, so it’s High Kissing Season as all are wished a happy new year. Yes, that’s nice, lovely and all that. But my French colleague comes running up, warning Scott that he’s about to kiss me (Scott was at my office for our German lessons), and leans in for what I presume is the three-kiss Swiss standard – this is Switzerland after all. Well, we instantly find ourselves pressed right-cheek (me)-to-left-cheek (him) – you’ll have to get a mental picture of this, but imagine being in a small photo booth and having to press your faces together for some cheesy picture. Yeah, like that. Then we tried to fix it, pulled back and made a second attempt. Same opposite cheek pressing incident occurred. I then pulled back and asked for a thorough explanation before proceeding. It had never occurred to him that the rest of the civilized world goes right first, and it’s just natural to him to go left first. So, third time was a (quite unspontaneous at that point) charm. But I was pretty much done with kissing for the day after that.
That all said, I do love the French – they are quite charming in their own way. Particularly outside of Paris. Like Americans are nice, when they’re not New Yorkers. But New Yorkers ARE nice, you just have to know how. Parisians I'm not so sure about yet.
posted by Swizzies at 16:19
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